Grief
by Sweetdeath04
Summary: Post-TLG. Spoilers! "These visits aren't helping him, or you, Holly. I think it would be best, for both of you, if you didn't visit for a while." In the end, they got Artemis back. They all did, except Holly. With no other option, she is forced to grieve.
1. Denial

Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl and anything related to it does not belong to me. It's the property of Eoin Colfer and I'm just torturing his characters for a bit of fun.

**A.N. **_I know, I know. I have five fics I need to finish and here I am starting a sixth. This is going to be a very short fic in five short chapters. I hope you enjoy it. TLG spoilers ahead!_

_**Grief**_

**Chapter One: Denial**

The Kübler-Ross Model, also known as The Five Stages of Grief, was hypothesised by Mud Men during the latter half of the twentieth century. Needless to say, fairies had been toying with the idea of the model for centuries and refined it somewhat, but the general principals still remained true. That was that many people who grieve for any reason go through five stages; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Not everyone goes through all these stages and not always in that order. But some people do. Holly Short was about to become one of those people.

It had been five months since that fateful day when Artemis Fowl the Second's soul had been given a new home in that of his clone. Within hours, he recognised those closest to him. Within days, many of his memories had been returned to him. Within two months, one could say that it was like he had never died. His family and friends had accepted him back, with questions, yes, but also with open arms. His genius, cunning and cleverness had returned along with his memories. Everything was back to the way it should be.

Except one thing.

"I'm sorry, Captain Short- sorry, _Holly_," Artemis stressed the name, willing himself to remember to call this unfamiliar woman by her given name. "I remember what happened- I remember kidnapping a fair. I remember Spiro, Butler's death and how a fairy healed him. I remember _remembering_ all of this after Opal Koboi killed Julius. I remember Hybras and Atlantis and _Orion_. I remember everything happening." He let out a puff of air as he focused on her. "I even remember you being there through it all. I just don't remember _you_."

It didn't make sense and it wasn't fair. When Artemis had made that damned foolish decision that got him killed in the first place he had said to her that almost everyone he loved would be killed if he didn't. _Almost_ everyone being his family, Butler and Juliet. _Humans_. _Almost_ everyone, but not _everyone._ Surely, then, there were fairies he cared about. And surely, after everything they'd been through together, he cared, even just a little, about her?

Apparently not enough to remember her.

But she wouldn't give up. She had sworn for the six months that it had taken to get Artemis back that she wouldn't give up on him. And she swore for the next two months that she would help him remember everything he needed to. For the past three months, she had been repeating a mantra to herself that she would not give up on helping him remember _her_.

And so her visits to Fowl Manor continued. She'd clock off at work and fly straight to the surface whenever she could get a visa. She was at Fowl Manor at least once a week, sometimes every other day. She was _trying._ But when one receives no fruit from their labours, even the strongest of wills can crack a little.

Butler, it seemed, cracked first.

At the end of the fifth month since Artemis's resurrection, Butler accompanied Holly out of Fowl Manor with a distinctly serious air about him. The twins had been put to bed before she had arrived and Juliet had been free to join Butler, Holly and Artemis in their reminiscing of times past. The visit, however, had ended like all the previous ones.

"You still don't remember me, do you?" Holly's voice was no longer tentative or hopeful as she asked the question. Instead, her voice was laden with sadness and disappointment.

Artemis shook his head ruefully. "No, Holly. I'm sorry, but I don't."

Holly turned away as Butler watched his charge run a tired hand though his hair in despair. It was that final action that set him in his convictions to do what was necessary. No matter how painful it was.

"Holly, we need to talk."

Holly looked up at the big man and gave him a small smile. "Be careful, Butler. Those words never mean anything good is going to be said."

He sighed and looked heavenwards. He wasn't sure if what he was about to say would break the woman, or eventually save her.

"I don't think you should come here for a while, Holly," he stated gruffly. He tried not to look down at her, knowing that the emotions on her face would fluctuate from confusion to misery to anger. This was worse than breaking up with one of his old girlfriends.

"What?" He heard the spark in her voice. "Why?"

"These visits aren't helping him or you, Holly. He knows the stories by heart and even remembers parts of them. But the other parts... it's like the difference between looking at a photograph and having been there when it was taken."

"But Artemis was there!" Holly protested. "All he needs is the right trigger and it will all come back to him!"

Butler paused. He didn't want to tell her what was so plainly obvious to everyone but her. But she couldn't live in denial forever. It would only hurt her worse in the long run. "You mean his memories of you will come back to him. You're the only person he doesn't remember. Maybe Foaly's right- the gate took him because of your eye. Now we've got him back but the gate stole you from him to compensate and I don't think it's possible for that to change. It hurts him that he doesn't remember you from before he... he left. And the pressure that these visits put on him to remember..." He took a breath and bent down in front of Holly so he could look her dead in the eye. "I'm Artemis's bodyguard. He's my principal. It's my job to stop things from hurting him. This is hurting him."

Holly's jaw was tight, her teeth clenched. She stared at him, daring him to say the inevitable.

"I think it would be best, for both of you, if you didn't visit for a while. I'll contact you on the communicator or get a message to you through Foaly if anything changes but for now..."

Holly didn't even protest. There was no point. Butler was deadly serious and she knew nothing she could do or say would change is mind. That would have to be up to Artemis. "Very well, Butler." Her words were sharper than she intended them to be but it was necessary to keep the brittleness out of her voice. "I'm going to say a proper goodbye to Juliet." She swallowed, "Stay in touch."

Ten minutes later, with her goodbyes all said, she flew towards Tara, barely able to see as her vision blurred with tears. Her open-ended invitation to Fowl Manor had officially been revoked. What the hell was she going to do now?

**A.N. **_I'm going to try and update this once a week because each chapter is going to be so short, but anyone who knows my general schedule for updating will know not to hold their breath. Please let me know what you think!_

_**~Sweetdeath04**_


	2. Anger

Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl and anything related to it belongs to Eoin Colfer, not me. I'm just using his characters for my perverse entertainment.

**A.N. **_I feel that I should probably mention that I know zilch about psychology. Also, I met Eoin Colfer last weekend and he is so lovely! I couldn't help but thank him for eleven years of entertainment. What he didn't say was if Artemis got his memories back or not. *sigh* Enjoy!_

**Chapter Two: Anger**

For the next three days, Holly operated on autopilot. She walked around in a daze- she was only lucky that she hadn't been called up for any missions. Haven was still undergoing a massive clean-up and reconstruction operation from the disaster that had occurred eleven months previously. The reconstruction of Atlantis had taken priority due to the damage caused to the surrounding dome. But even with that setback, Haven's citizens had come through for their city, many taking up trades they would never have considered had something drastic not happened to sway them. As a result, the city had nearly been fully reconstructed, brighter and cleaner than ever before.

Nevertheless, there was still some work to do. The LEP assigned officers to aid the clean-up on a monthly rotation. Now that the worst of the damage had been repaired, many felt that the duty was unnecessary. 'Mud-Work', Holly had heard it called.

On the fourth day since her 'banishment' (or at least, that was how she thought of it), Holly was easily able to find a Captain on that months detail who was willing to switch with her. Captain Linden was overjoyed at the prospect of escaping manual labour. Holly was just thankful to have something to keep her busy.

Days turned into weeks and every day Holly would throw herself into her work with a masochistic enthusiasm. She arrived early and left late, not even bothering to shower or eat when she returned home; simply throwing herself onto her bed and falling into an exhausted sleep. When she was forced to take a day off, she hit the gym, taking the resentment and anger that had been bubbling inside her out on an unsuspecting, and somewhat unfortunate, sparring partner. She ignored her peers and avoided her friends.

After all, if all she did was _hurt_ them, they should be glad that she was keeping her distance.

Apparently the message hadn't quite gotten through to everyone, however.

At the end of her second week on clean-up duty, Holly dragged her feet through Police Plaza, leaving a trail of muck and dust in her wake. She had to file a report with Foaly and requisition some street lights.

"Holly!" The centaur exclaimed as she entered the new and improved Ops Booth. He tried not to look horrified at the dirt which clung to her and he managed to hold back a flinch as she sat down on one of his brand new, cream coloured, plush seats with a thump.

She looked dreadful. As he took the forms from her he tried to peer through the layers of grime on her face. Her eyes were sunken and there was no spark in the mismatched orbs, her mouth a grim, turned down line and her cheeks were hollow.

They talked as he filled out the forms- rather, he spoke and Holly grunted in all the correct places, convincing him (barely) that she was listening as she fiddled with the communicator in her hands. Foaly noticed this, recognising it as the one she kept solely for Artemis' communications.

"Hey," he started tentatively. "You haven't been above ground in weeks- why don't you go relax and visit Artemis. It'll take your mind off the recons-"

He was cut off as Holly rose to her feet abruptly. Her eyes were bright but not with the mischief he was used to. He gulped, and for the first time since they had met, he was suddenly very afraid of, and perhaps for, Holly.

"What, your _good friend_ Artemis didn't tell you?" Holly spat bitterly. Foaly felt himself inching backwards unconsciously. He had never seen the elf so furious in his life. He feared for his computers. "_Apparently_ I am no longer welcome at Fowl Manor. _Apparently_ all I do is cause _Arty_ pain." She started pacing a muddy path along the floor. "It's not fair- but then life with Artemis around has never been _fair_. Butler has no right to stop me going to Fowl Manor if I want to! Why should he get the moral high ground!"

Foaly wanted to ask what she was talking about. He really did. But he didn't dare interrupt. He hadn't spoken to Holly, Artemis or Butler in weeks. This was an entirely new development, from his perspective. Perhaps he should have tried to find out _why_ exactly Holly had stopped visiting their human friends before suggesting anything.

Holly stopped pacing and turned to face him, her face contorted in a mixture of anger and grief. Her words came out shrill and broken. "_They_ started this whole thing when they kidnapped me! I didn't drag them into this! Just because it was _my_ eye that killed him, doesn't mean it's my fault, damn it!"

She slammed her palm onto the button which opened the glass doors of Ops and stormed out as Foaly called out behind her, "Holly, what? Wait!" brandishing the forms she had left behind in her rage.

The doors slid shut and suddenly everything seemed a bit too quiet in the Ops Booth. Foaly watched, shell shocked, as the exit button trembled in the wake of its impact with Holly's hand, finally shattering into pieces and falling to the ground.

Maybe he needed to give Butler a call and find out what was going on.

* * *

Holly made it half way home before the adrenaline wore off and she collapsed against a wall, exhausted. Putting her head in her hands and pulling her knees up to her chest, she whispered to herself, "D'Arvit..."

Foaly hadn't deserved that out lash of anger. He'd just been trying to help but he didn't have all the information. That wasn't his fault either. If she had been a true friend, she'd have told him about this ages ago. She groaned into her hands.

She missed Artemis. She missed _her_ Artemis- the one who actually remembered her. Friends, bonded through trauma. This anger, the anger at his death, then his complete lack of memories and now her 'banishment' had been boiling up for a long time. Foaly had just said the wrong thing at the wrong time and, as a result, had become a convenient target.

She couldn't continue like this. She had to do something about it- something other than stewing in her own self-pitying and self-loathing.

She was going to apologise to Foaly. And then, she was going to visit No.1.

**A.N. **_A very short chapter, but I knew they would be. Sorry it took such a ridiculously long time to update! I hope you enjoyed it and the next chapter _should_ be up shortly. Please let me know what you think!_

_**~Sweetdeath04**_


	3. Bargaining

Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl and anything related to it belongs to the wonderful Eoin Colfer. I am just borrowing his characters for my own perverse amusement.

**A.N. **_Sorry that this took such a ridiculously long time for me to write. University is hectic. Thanks to the people who reviewed- especially those who don't have accounts or didn't log in since I haven't been able to thank you all personally! Reviews make my day! And I promise that this will have a happy ending! Enjoy!_

**Chapter Three: Bargaining**

Acquiring time off work was easier than she expected. She had pulled a ridiculous amount of overtime in the past few weeks. Trouble had signed the application himself with a smile, a wave and an order to enjoy herself. The lunar pass had been pretty easy to get too. With Foaly at one end and No1 at the other, the bureaucrats who controlled who received one and who didn't were quickly worn down until they were begging Holly to take the pass off them.

And so, exactly one year since the day that Artemis Fowl the Second had died, Holly Short forewent visiting the grave that was still in place for him, feeling only slightly guilty at the lack of respect and reverence she was showing to her fallen friend, and visited the moon instead.

Holly had been to Atlantis too many times to be particularly fazed by the dome that protected her and every other creature that required oxygen to survive on the moon's surface. In fact, if she had to choose between one dome or the other shattering whilst she was inside it, she would pick the Lunar Dome any day of the week. Perhaps it was a residual effect of her now latent claustrophobia, but the thought of dying whilst floating through a never-ending sea of space and stars was far more comforting than being crushed under the pressure of gallons and gallons of water.

Still, she wouldn't particularly want to _live_ here.

No.1 on the other hand, did not seem to simply exist in this place. He had _thrived_ here. Holly had scarcely had time to take in the view of the shuttle port as she arrived before she had been engulfed in a hug from the small demon. As the two clung to each other in a happy reunion, Holly, for the first time in _so_ long, felt the weight of Artemis's death begin to slide off her shoulders. No.1, happy, (mostly) innocent No1, was truly glad to see her. Here, there would be no hidden resentment or pity, there was only pure, honest friendship and all it entailed, because No1 was simply too _pure_ to give anything less.

And for a few days, Holly felt more _whole_ than she had since the sad and sorry incident had occurred. Gone was the ghost that had followed her, relentlessly haunting her for the past year, lost in the vast space above them. She let No.1 drag her to all the tourist hot spots, show her every gritty detail of the work he was so enthusiastic for, berate her for not taking care of herself and give her a magic top-up that left her feeling heavenly for hours. For a few days, life felt almost perfect again.

_Almost_.

Perhaps if she had come here with no other agenda than to see her friend, she would have been content. But Holly knew and would freely admit that she did not possess the same unpolluted soul that No.1 did.

Alas, she did not. And so, on the last of her five days leave, she finally brought up the subject of her ulterior motive. Not that they hadn't spoken of Artemis before that day- no, No.1 would not let it lie, nor would he tactfully avoid such a discussion if he had felt it was necessary. And he had. Repeatedly.

He knew her well.

Before now, she had only repeated the bare facts of the situation. That Artemis was alive, once again, and well. That he remembered everything. Everything except Holly. But she had successfully avoided talking about her feelings on the subject. Only now, as she tried to ask No.1 for something that very well may have been beyond his abilities, did she show her despair.

"No.1," Holly finally breached the subject over coffee as they waited for her shuttle back to Earth. "Why do you think Artemis doesn't remember me when he remembers everything we went through together so clearly? Why is it just me?"

The smile that had constantly resided on No.1's face for the past five days faded into a serious line and he chewed nervously on his lower lip. His answer was careful and well constructed. He had obviously been anticipating this question every time he brought up the subject of their human friend. "I have two theories, but I can't guarantee either of them are right, Holly," he began. "The magic used to create the Gate is beyond me right now- I don't know if I'll ever be able to manage something that powerful. And the stories conveniently skip over how it was constructed, though I guess if they didn't the stories would have been lost years ago because they were so boring..." He caught Holly's wry glare and tried to get back to the matter at hand. "Okay, so my first theory is that Artemis's memories of you are connected to his eye."

Holly seemed to deflate before his eyes, "You mean my eye that killed him?"

"Oh!" No.1 started in the sudden realisation that _this_ was at least half the reason Holly hadn't quite managed to let go of the events of a year ago. "No! I mean _that_ eye," he reached across the table and tapped Holly's temple, just beside the blue eye that had once belonged to Artemis, "_his_ eye!" At Holly's look, a mixture of confusion and agonising _hope, _he continued, "For Artemis's soul to return to his body, you needed a living body with his unique DNA. But there's a part of living tissue from his body right_ there_," he pointed at her eye, _Artemis's_ eye, again. "Maybe a little bit of his soul got lost on its way to his clone's body," he shrugged awkwardly. "And because that eye is now yours, everything to do with you got caught in it." No.1 scratched his head, not able to meet Holly's eyes, knowing from light in them what she was going to ask next.

"If that's it," her words were rushed, filled with anticipation, "if that's why Artemis can't remember me, is there something you can do to stop it? To release his soul?" But No.1 was shaking his head and she continued, frustratingly aware that she was now pleading, "Please, No.1! Travelling without warping your body is your speciality! Could you please just take a look?"

Bowing his head in defeat, No.1 reached up and brushed one thick digit over his friend's eyelid. Slowly, he probed, searching through the layers of her very being to try and find the essence of something that didn't belong. But the entire eye didn't belong and it cried out to him to be fixed, to be restored, just as it always had done. He couldn't hope to find anything beyond that. Drawing away, he shook his head at Holly.

She sighed, shoulders slumping. "You said you had two theories?"

No.1 watched her, his hopelessness at the situation seeped out to meet the despair that leaked from her, hoping that, if he didn't manage to patch up the leak, that it wouldn't be as deadly to Holly as a crack in the dome above them.

"Artemis loves you," Holly's head snapped up the moment the words had left his mouth. "And you love him. The two of you tried to trick each other into _not_ sacrificing yourselves so that Opal couldn't destroy the world. Artemis could have just _let _you sacrifice yourself. The plan would still have worked the same way- and he could have snagged a bit of your DNA and created a clone and brought you back to life." Holly was staring at him now with her wide, mismatched eyes. "But he didn't. He was determined that you wouldn't be harmed. He double-bluffed you. Because he cares for you. You changed him in a way even his parents couldn't. You've been there, shaping the person he became. And that person _would not see you hurt_."

He watched as Holly swallowed thickly. She knew the words were true. She felt the same way for Artemis- they'd been through too much together for it to be any other way between them. But hearing it, out loud rather than just an echo in her mind, brought home just how close they honestly had been.

"It's a defence mechanism, isn't it?" No.1 continued, voice soothing. "When something traumatic happens, you can forget it completely. The thought of you, hurting, and stopping you from getting yourself killed could have been the last thing Artemis was thinking before he died. But it was too disturbing for him to handle, so he forgot."

"Even Argon doesn't know a certain method of bringing back memories like that," Holly breathed, more to herself than to No.1. Whilst the clone of Artemis had been developing, Holly had spent the majority of her off-duty hours researching brain damage and amnesia just in case this very thing happened.

"And magic won't help, no matter how powerful it is," No.1 commented sadly.

Holly nodded and the two sat in silence, each with their own harrowing thoughts until Holly's shuttle was ready to depart. They said farewell with a tight hug and No.1 watched as his closest friend left, feeling guilty, right to his core.

Frankly, out of his two theories as to why Artemis suddenly couldn't remember the woman who had changed his life, he would have put all the gold he had on the first one. He had merely mentioned the possibility of the second option to take Holly's mind off the first.

Because, if a part of Artemis's soul _was _trapped in Holly's eye, then there _was_ something he could do to free it. But if he wasn't right, and he couldn't be completely sure he was, then the cost would be too great. Even if he was one hundred percent sure that it would work, he didn't think he could do it. Because Holly could survive without Artemis. Yes, it would take time for her to recover, but she would, eventually. But if he was to attempt the other option, she could lose everything she had worked for at the LEP. It would cripple her entirely.

No.1 just couldn't do that to his best friend. If he had to, he would follow Artemis's example and do all he could to protect her from herself.

**A.N.**_ Okay, over half way through this story now! I realise the ending is a bit confusing, but all will be revealed in the next couple of chapters! I promise! Please let me know what you think!_

_**~Sweetdeath04**_


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